I think I’m going insane here

Alright, look, I’m starting to think that maybe this city is not a healthy place for me, I moved here barely 2 months ago and I’ve been experiencing some real freaky shit. I’m not going to say WHERE I moved to, because last time I barely even hinted where my location was there was someone at my door 2 days later saying they saw my post on the internet and that they were here “to fix my problem”, even though it was a dog post on Reddit (yes, I know, listen, I was lonely and I wanted internet strangers to say nice things to me), that slightly showed a landmark, I don’t really know what he meant by problem and I don’t know how he found my house either but I now have a stab wound in my stomach and I haven’t seen my dog Rocco since then.

Anyways, after that, I moved, and all I’m going to say is that I have a nice little house now, it’s the perfect house for a 39-year-old newly single guy after he was forced to divorce his ex-wife from hell, okay, look, I know what you’re gonna say, ha-ha, very funny, women are from hell, but it was a running joke she started! “You know I’m from Hell, right?” was the first thing she said to me, I laughed it off because honestly I was mesmerized by her, she repeated the same joke when we started dating, when we got serious, when I proposed, during our wedding vows, and also when I woke up after our first night together after we got married and the entire room was covered in blood, and you know, even a guy who’s madly in love with his wife needs to have his boundaries, so I was like, “Alright, Lily, we’re in our 30s now, I need you to stop pretending you’re a demon from Hell, its either me or the demon role-play” and, well, look, I’m not bitter about it, we weren’t mean to be, I don’t miss her, I don’t miss her at all, let’s talk about the freaky shit I’m experiencing alright?

So, I moved here, got my nice little house, got some sweet neighbors, but you know, it feels like every single morning when I’m going out to work I always spot this weird one-eyed dog staring at me as I get in my car, I know it’s just a dog but there’s something about the way he stares at me that gives me the creeps, and I’m from the corporate world, I know a lotta creeps in my profession. There’s also the fact that I’ve developed Insomnia or something, just can’t sleep anymore sometimes, even went to the Doctor about it, he just kinda shrugged when I told him about it and said some vague stuff “Something in the air in this city” which doesn’t really make sense considering nobody else I’ve talked to about it seems to have this problem, maybe I’m just in an adjustment period, he gave me pills for it, but I don’t think they’re working, whenever I take them I always forget the next 3 hours and I always end up in my bathtub, taking a bath while completely clothed, and there’s always 3 claw scratches on my left arm, so I avoid taking the pills.

Besides that, whenever I stare at my hand for longer than 24 seconds my brain starts thinking I have 6 fingers, and it takes my brain a full minute for me to remember that I in fact have 5 fingers, and that fact always ends up filling me with a deep sadness. When I told this to my doctor he said he also “feels sad that he doesn’t have 6 fingers”. Also, whenever it’s dark outside, there will sometimes be a shadowy figure in my living room window staring at me, most of the time I ask who is it and it’s my neighbor Bob, he’s a lawyer or something, he then asks me for a cup of sugar, but always seems to leave before I can give it to him. Other times the figure does not respond to me asking any kind of question, so I just silently stare at it until it leaves. One time it decided to punch through window and then it decided to leave. Jerk.

The worst part is the Insomnia to be honest, having to stay awake through entire nights is pretty awful, because that’s when most of the weird shit happens, like the time I saw through my window a deer walking on 2 legs, when it spotted me it went back on 4 legs, I almost think it felt guilty I spotted it, then it disappeared, pretty freakin’ weird.

Or that other time some guy I’ve never met in my life keep knocking on my door to ask if I was interested in “becoming a Bermuda triangle miner”, I just ignored him until he left, he came back the next night and left a pickaxe on my doorstep.

At least nothing ever happens at 4 AM, which is a really obvious thing to say, but nothing happens at 4 AM.

But anyways, look, I needed a vacation, so I thought the best thing for me to do was to go on a trip to the forest outside the city, but, just to take a ride, something told me I really shouldn’t go inside the forest, just a real odd feeling about it.

So I got in my car, put the radio on, and went on my merry way. It was actually quite a relaxing ride, the road was enveloped in a thick fog that day, so there wasn’t much in scenery besides a lot of trees, and sometimes deer, one of them maintained eye contact with me until I left its vision range.

After a while of riding I didn’t really see any other cars anymore, only trees, a lot of trees, and a guy laying down on the ground who had a tree growing out of his stomach.

Did I slam my brakes out of complete surprise? Yes. Did the guy spot me and start yelling the most guttural cry for help I’ve ever heard in my life? Also yes.

You know, the completely normal, compassionate reaction to a scene like is for that person to get out of their car, yell “oh my god, oh my god” and “I’ll call for some help just hang in there” and then panic for an appropriate amount of minutes until something equally as ominous happens to them, but I noticed one small thing that stopped me from doing that, and it was the fact that his cries for help never changed, it was always the same cadence, volume, length, and also the fact that he really didn’t look scared at all, so I decided to just speed out of there, back to civilization.

Anyways, after that experience I think I’ve decided that other people have it worse than me and that I shouldn’t complain, or something like that. And also that maybe waking up to blood in my bedroom isn’t as bad as it sounds. What I’m trying to say here is that I’m going to call my ex-wife again and I will try my hardest to fix it. Thank you for reading this, kind stranger. Peter out.

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I found this journal in the employees’ bathroom, even though I’m pretty sure it wasn’t here when I clocked in and Greg didn’t really enter the bathroom either before going on his nightly escapade. I decided to put it in the Magazine section in case anyone wanted to buy it.

big loser