A Guide To The Night District

Hey there night crawlers, night shifters, night timers, plankers. It’s your guide maker CrystalShift! and I’m finally here to make a long requested guide for The Night District, which you guys also call The Red Moon District, The Red Boar District, The Granny District, Etc.

Also, NinjaKillah and Darkmage333 please for the love of god refrain from commenting “You mean the red light district? Hahaha, I don’t need a guide for that one” No I do not mean that, we know you guys are 16, it is literally illegal for you guys to solicit sex. The mods are sick of your shit, post in this thread and you’ll get banned.

Anyways, I’m getting off track here. Well, first off, if you don’t know what The Night District is, and you somehow stumbled into this thread and website by sheer luck, well, just be careful, alright?

The Night District is a very special district in our beloved city, mostly because its hidden, like, genuinely hidden. It does not appear in the city map; it doesn’t even appear in front of your eyes unless you do some very specific actions. We don’t know why this is a thing, and there’s many theories as to why! Like for example: Aliens! (Old people seem to love this theory), The Bermuda Triangle! (It’s not anywhere close to us), Bob! (He’s just a lawyer, guys.), A cult worshipping an evil God! (Mods ban anyone who says this dumb fuck theory in this thread).

But anyways, how do we get to The Night district? Well, besides the fact you can only enter it at night, there’s a very simple, classic rule. The left, right, left, right, left, left, left, right turns starting from Hedgeway street. You’ll end up in the district then, or in a donut shop called “Donuts”. The donuts are mediocre. DISCLAIMER: the left right turns rule doesn’t always work. If it doesn’t work then you should attempt the “Headless Chicken Trick” in which you cut a chicken’s head off and leave it on the passenger seat while you try the left right turns again, thought it might leave your car smelling like oranges for 3 weeks after the trip, we don’t really know why though.

Anyways, congratulations. You made it to the Night District. So what’s in there, you ask? Well, it changes from day to day. And what appears on what day also seems to be pretty randomized, so I thought it would be a good idea to catalogue what’s been found in The Night District so far, just so we can all be safer navigating it.

The way the district is set up it looks exactly like a normal, shopping district. Besides the fact the moon is painted red in there for some reason. With plenty of places you can enter, though most of the time most of them will be closed, and you can only enter certain ones. But just a reminder, the location of shops will always randomize after the day is over.

Oh yeah, I recommend you guys don’t try doing crimes while inside the district, I’ve seen some people try it. Let’s just say I haven’t seen those people again.

ANYWAYS, sorry, I get off track a lot, let’s talk about the shops! And yes, they all accept normal currency, of any country. They don’t discriminate.

Some shops are pretty normal, They’ll sell you stuff like food, clothes, cutesy accessories, etc, though I gotta say, I probably wouldn’t wear the clothes or the accessories, not that they’re ugly, it’s just… they’re odd. Like they don’t really… match any era of fashion I’ve heard of. But maybe I just live under a rock! You never know!

All the workers are in those shops are pretty nice, they’ll help you with what you need, but you will probably never see them anywhere else in the city, like they only exist in the Night District, or something scary like that. They just pretend they can’t hear you if you ask anyways.

There’s a shop that’s more of a portal than anything else. All the signs pointing to it simply say “COME INSIDE FOR PALMART GOODS”, and when you step inside the building you’ll find yourself in the Palmart in the other side of the city, with that one cashier guy. Eugh. I recommend you just leave after that. But it’s probably a good way to leave the Night District if your home is near the Palmart.

Alright. Let’s talk about the weirder shops: there’s a shop where a jolly old man will sell you one beautiful rock. That’s all it does for the record, just a real pretty rock. Most people will admire the rock and buy it, but the old man will probably only sell you one rock. He will always reply with “No, that’s too many rocks for one person” if you try to buy more than that.

Sometimes you’ll come across a shop labeled “Potion Shop”, It looks pretty decrepit, like a witch house straight out of a fairy tale. But it’s run by an admittedly pretty normal looking middle aged lady who will also take every chance to compare her children to rich old men and who also calls herself a “witch”, so try to keep the conversations to potion talking. You don’t want to say in there for too long! I personally haven’t tried all of the potions, but most of them do what they’re marketed for, like the vitality potion that makes you feel amazing, the Frog potion that turns you into a frog for 24 hours (not recommended), and stuff like that. I personally don’t recommend the love potion, whoever drinks it just falls in love with the witch and I’m pretty sure she’s married already.

Maybe you will find a pretty rare shop, it’ll be a building made of pure gold, where a man who never smiles will give you valuable gold in exchange for your memories, and let’s just say I really don’t remember middle school anymore.

There’s the antiques shop, run by a very young child, but be careful to point this out to the kid, he gets grumpy. All the antiques inside are… pretty strange. There’s a doll that will kill you if you don’t say Goodnight to it properly, it has a “Most Returned Item!” Sticker on it, as if it’s a trophy. There’s scissors that will only cut wood. Paper that twists all the words in it to spell “KILL”, just real useless shit like that, but it looks cool to own.

Those are the most well documented shops so far, but there’s also some unknown shops that seem “impossible” to document, like the Ramen Shop that seems to be decorated a lot with the color red, everyone that has gone inside has not come out, or at least I haven’t heard from them again. PunkRockGirl, PowerPowerPower, if you guys are reading this, please shoot me a DM just to let me know you guys are safe, your families miss you.

There’s also the Silver Shop, which is, as you guessed, a building made purely out of what looks like silver. Huh, I don’t remember typing this out, but I’ll leave this section here anyways.

And please, for the love of god, please stop entering the Butcher shop, it makes me sick to my stomach how that pigheaded abomination keeps turning whoever enters that shop into menu food. You’ll be next if you try getting in there.

Speaking of pigs, rarely, very rarely, if you enter the Night District, and notice that all the shops are closed, please turn around and run as fast as you can into your car so you can drive away. That’s when the Red Boar is hunting. You’ll know what I mean when you see him.

Oh, and one last tip, whatever it is that you came to the district to do. Make sure you’re back in your house and sleeping before 4 am hits.

big loser