A graveyard shift at the local convenience store

I’ve decided to write and maintain a diary about my normal shift in this convenience store near my house, partly out of boredom, partly because my therapist is running out of ideas to “fix” me.

Anyways, I work graveyard shifts in a convenience store near me, Palmart, yes, I know, why they haven’t been sued to the ground is a mystery both to me and to my dear old lady neighbor who can’t quite remember things so well anymore so she keeps calling me by her long gone husband’s name and keeps asking why I’m “sleeping in another apartment”, she’s pretty nice otherwise, though.

So, I work in Palmart. It’s open 24/7 and never seems to turn its very bright lights off, even during city wide power outages, so it’s a nice hanging out spot for bored teens when that kind of thing happens, but otherwise it doesn’t see a lot of activity, it almost even feels like it’s a pretty avoided place by people even though Palmart is always fully stocked with food, over the counter drugs, magazines, and a Slush Machine that I will almost always tell you is broken not because I have to clean it but because I don’t like seeing people’s happy faces when they drink that terrible beverage.

I’m getting off track here, so I should start actually talking about how my little shift goes in this sweet, completely normal Palmart, (My manager told me I’m legally required to add this part whenever I talk about Palmart and I do not know enough about law to do otherwise)

12 AM: I arrive so I can relieve Tony off his shift and start mine, Tony is a cheerful guy, he never quite stops smiling, no matter what life throws his way, one time I watched him run over a dog right as he was leaving, he didn’t stop, flinch or frown as it happened, then he sped away, I don’t think he’s a very good driver though, the dog wasn’t exactly in his car’s way.

12:30 AM: My manager Greg, nice guy, mid 30s, balding. Leaves the store and won’t come back until it’s time for me to clock out, I don’t exactly complain about this seeing as he pays me $100 for me to keep quiet about that, so I’m basically always alone for the remainder of my shift.

1:10 AM: A guy comes in, upon closer inspection I realize he’s missing both of his eyes, not in a “Oh he’s blind” way but in a “There’s nothing there besides 2 black holes there but he still seems to know where he’s going” way, I avoid staring too much as it seems impolite.

1:15 AM: He stares at me for 5 minutes straight before putting a cereal box in the counter along with 4 dollars. I tell him the box is worth 5 dollars without making eye contact and he proceeds to leave without making a purchase.

2:00 AM: A very drunk hobo comes in and begs me to let him use the bathroom, due to company policy about hobos I tell him no, he goes in the customer bathroom anyways and I decide to not fight him about it.

2:30 AM: The Hobo has not come out of the bathroom yet.

3:00 AM: A guy with a tail enters the store, I stare at the tail, the guy notices and says “What’s your problem, man?” and leaves

3:05 AM: The guy with a tail comes back and says he “forgot to buy the chips”

3:30 AM: The one eyed dog who’s definitely a little too old to still be alive stares at me through the convenience store glass, he never enters the store even though he definitely could.

3:40 AM: I forgot about the hobo, he’s still in the bathroom, I knock and I’m met with complete silence, when I try to open the door it doesn’t budge, as if its locked. I give up

3:50 AM: It is going to be 4 AM

4:00 AM: Nothing happens at 4 AM so therefore I should not be writing about 4 AM so I will stop now

5:00 AM: A guy in a gnome costume tries to sell me a miniature dog statue, he leaves the statue by the door even though I politely declined to buy it

5:30 AM: Greg’s wife enters the store and propositions me to have a “fun time” with her, I politely decline and she leaves after buying one apple

6:00 AM: The bathroom door opens, a guy in an expensive looking suit and nice haircut leaves the bathroom, there was nobody else inside the bathroom, he asks for a slush and I tell him the machine broke

6:30 AM: A policeman comes by and asks if I’ve seen a guy named “Roberto” around, I tell him no, he tells me Roberto is wanted for murder, I insist I haven’t seen a guy named Roberto around, he then takes a deep breath and asks if I’ve seen a “headless cow” running around, I tell him no again, he leaves

7:00 AM: I see the headless cow running away from a cop car

7:30 AM: My manager Greg comes back and pays me the $100, he tells me he spent the entire time having fun with his wife, I congratulate him

8:00 AM: I clock out, a guy named Roberto clocks in, he says hi, I like him, he’s sweet.

big loser